Why You Should Be a Mentor - Part 2

Seek first to understand then to be understood

Editor’s note: This post was written 10 years ago, but its message is just as relevant today as when it was first published.

One thing that separates great mentoring from poor mentoring is the mentors ability to know exactly where their mentee is coming from. If you have no idea what your mentee is feeling or where their headspace is at, the advice you give will most likely be dismissed, or worse, detrimental to your mentee’s needs.

When I was very confused with what I should do with my life something that was really frustrating was listening to all the advice people gave. Especially from the so called experts. I recall being in a session with a guidance counsellor and she took out a graph and started pointing to a circle she believed I was in. I have never seen that diagram before in my life and I probably will never again. I didn’t understand any of the terms she was using and needless to say, everything just flew over my head. Her biggest mistake was following her “training” as she got into her “helping routine”. She probably pointed to that circle multiple times before and students in the past may have understood what she was talking about, which most likely gave her the confidence to point to arbitrary circles assuming people will just get it and in turn make her believe she was actually very good at counselling. (I’m a very sarcastic person :p )

To be an effective counsellor it’s very important to start from where they are. Listening and really understanding the unique needs of another person is arguably the most important skill you can have as someone in the mentor position.

Mentoring helps you practice one of the most fundamental human characteristics of building relationships…empathy.

You’ll know when you’re giving good advice and truly helping another person when you’re helping them overcome their obstacles. Not just giving advice based on a template of knowledge you’ve acquired over the years. Anybody can memorize theory and apply it to different situations and call that advice. But a great mentor can personalize that theory to make sure their mentee can feel and truly understand what you’re saying and take it to heart.

Of course there are other ways to practice empathy. Building relationships with the people around you can help you practice, but something about being responsible for another persons well being, teaches you lessons of empathy that helps you “get it” faster.

Empathy is the human trait that will help any sort of relationship grow. The more empathy you show toward your significant other, the less fighting and the better your communication. Empathy can literally end wars.

So make it a point to practice empathy on a daily basis. Whether you’re at school, work or any other place where you’re interacting with others, before you judge someone on their actions think about their point of view first.

And if you were paying attention to the whole article, one of the best ways to build your empathy muscle is through mentoring. Seek opportunities where you can share your experiences with others catering to their situations. If you do that, you will change lives.